Hi ALC. I'ld like to say something that I think needs to be touched upon. There may not have been as effective an alternative to posting your ex's email that would have shed as much light on what's gone on between the two of you. And you're not the first to copy an email onto a thread here at PC. But when posters do that, it always seems to me kind of like playing a tape recording of someone who didn't know they were being taped. I guess it doesn't violate any community rules here, but I'ld encourage posters to paraphrase, or just quote a small section of someone else's email.

Having said that, I gotta admit that I don't know how you could distill your ex's email into something more concise that would convey what I got out of reading what you shared. My impression is that your ex is a very emotionally troubled person. What you say about her drinking, combined with this incoherent, rambling and strange email leads me to think your ex is truly mentally disturbed. That seems to have escaped you to some extent. This suggests to me that you have not been tuned in to this lady at any level deeper than a very superficial level. It seems to me like she's been in water over her head drowning, while you've been meandering along the beach picking up seashells.

Maybe you've heard the old expression: "Silence speaks volumes." Poor comunicator though she may be, a person can express a wealth of meaning by what they don't say. Part of the communication problem between you, IMHO, is that you've been deaf to what she tells you in the things she doesn't say.

From what you've shared in another thread, it sounds like you grew up with a mother who was nothing, if not explicit. You got conditioned by spending years around a woman who verbalizes every single expectation she has of you. So my guess is that you got conditioned into thinking that, unless you're hearing a lot of loud, persistant complaining, you must be acting the way you're expected to act. Well, your ex was not the same kind of person as your mother, so you were assuming wrong.

By refusing to engage with you, verbally, your ex was actually screaming her discontent, dismay and despair. That's the language she speaks in, and she doesn't know how to be any different. And that's a language you don't know how to interpret.

So I think you were both victims. It's a very sad story. You're both deeply wounded. We know you were, but now I'm seeing that she is in great pain herself. This is not a story of just her being mean and cruel. I think she's in a lot of trouble psychologically. Her friend on facebook indicated understanding that. You haven't, and that may not be your fault. But she is in bad shape. It may be that there was, and is, nothing you could offer to help her. That seems to be the conclusion she's come to.

I don't think ending her relationship with you is going to be the solution to what ails her. She sounds like a person in emotional free-fall, who is falling further into an abyss. But having you around wasn't making her feel supported, either. She's chosen a dysfunctional approach to relieving pain (the drinking,) which might make her unreceptive to your best efforts . . . or anyone else's.