My dearest....I can think about it and participate in feeling depressed. No one can sit, stare and feel heartache, emptiness, lonliness and hopelessness better than I. I have 52 years experience in it.

However, I choose to keep it as a hobby of sorts now and try to keep as busy doing things that keep me from hangning out with myself if I feel I will get "stagnant." I make getting up in the morning an activity to look forward to. I make different coffes daily that I only drink a few sips and in a cup that is hand painted with my name. I get up at 5:30 a.m, when I don't have to leave till 8 and I shower at night and have clothes and everything already set out night before. So I take my time waking up, snuggling with my cat for a bit, then deciding on what I willl have for breakfast and lately I've been on monster fruit salads for breakfast with a muffin or cereal. Were talking banana, peach, nectarine, kiwis gold and green, pears, strawberries, black berries and raspberries and hen decide on yogur or applesause.

Since my husband leaves at 6, I will purposely leave my dishes in the sink, a fruit peel or too and a little mess that he can clean or not as he gets home 2 hours before me. Since that is one of the petty things he *****es about latey since he has become on the edgle of a breakdown lately, I channel my depression in passive agressve fun and use it on hubby. I smoke in the car now -- i won't let him take a lawn chair out of the living room, and I try to keep up with current events -- like naked fan dancing in Egypt or how sitting in a vat of chicken gravy up to your neck will make you better in the sack.

and even with all that happiness and distraction around me, I can always go to my never-failed depression stomper of inflicting myself on the public. that never fails me.

stay strong....courage!!