Its strange, the last break from T in August for 5weeks seemed easier then this one week starting today. I felt so depressed and desperate and needed to go away quitely to be allowed to feel the pain.

I was writing and crying and trying to understand why this pain! what is it! and I wrote all the obvious stuff about missing T, wanting her, loving her. Then it dawned on me, I am missing the way she cares about me, the way I feel when Im with her.

Its like when she's gone, I lose that bit of myself. I remembered in that moment that I can do that for me, I can have that part of me. All I have to do is remember how I feel when I'm with her and feel like that NOW!

Treat myself how she treats me. Be quite with myself, give myself a treat, and know inside that there is someone in this world that has cared for me. If I never saw her again, I will ALWAYS have the memory of what we did have.

Its the silly things I do that remind me of the me I am when with her, the listening to opera, the reading, the walking slow the thinking slow the not letting the little things bother me, the knowing no matter what anyone else thinks of me, I know I'm ok. These are the things that remind me of T!