Weeeeellllll ......

I found a stray piece of glass behind the bathroom door. I washed it off and wiped it down, etc., and I'm trying to find a reason not to use it. In spite of 2 Klonopin, I am anxiety- and panic-ridden as hell, and have been all afternoon. If you've been reading my thread on the depression forum, you know how f'ing useless partial has been, but I don't feel ready to leave, even though I think I get more depressed there. I am in NO WAY ready to return to work, though.

It's cold and rainy and I was up once an hour last night and so I'm exhausted, and I'm supposed to go to a friend's house for leftovers, since I didn't have any invitations anywhere on Thanksgiving, and I just don't see any good reason not to cut. My in-house psychiatrist today seemed surprised -- I mean, you'd think in the course of his career he's dealt with depressives before ;-) -- that I couldn't come up with 5 good things about myself off the top of my head. He told me to focus on the little things that we all take for granted, and come up with 40 by Monday!

I told him he was living in dreamland, so he settled on 20, but I still don't know how I'm going to do it. And I still feel like crap enough about myself that I want to cut.

Sigh.

Somewhere, somehow, I would like to find someone who has successfully overcome this to the point that it's not the first thing they think of every time something goes wrong or they just feel really bad. Do you think such a person exists?

Candy