Quote:
I'm sorry I have not found the words to reply to you. Maybe now that I'm drunk I will. Oh yeah...ivery turned jnto a raging alcoholic that smokes. Happy? I don't know what to say to make this right to give you peace. I really don't.
Im.trying to move forward and create a life. Without you. Its weird. Its different. Im struggling. But whatever. Things changed with me and I'm so sorry I didn't feel like you fit into my equation. I'm sorry I can't give you closure that youneed. I'm sorry I can't be the person you always thought I was. I'm sorry for everything I've put you through.
No it didn't happen overnight. It happened for months and months before that. I'm sorry I didn't feel there was something worth fighting for. Are you happy now? Does it make you feel better that I'm a cold hearted b@tch to you.??? Seriously. I've been. Trying to protect your feelings but whatever.
It's over. There is no turning back. I'm f@cked up. I'm sorry I couldn't be more for you. I'm sorry I can't do everything to please you and make everythingright. I've f@cked up. I'm human. I have issues .
Is this what younwanted? me to be miserable and floundering without yiu? Congrats your wish is my command.
You have a good f#@king life. Obviously that's what you want me to say.
|
What strikes me as interesting in this email is how much resentment there is in it. I wouldn't write her off as "disturbed" or mentally off just by this email because frankly most of us when writing drunk texts, emails and such will sound pretty off anyway let alone when we are writing when emotionally charged in some way. So yeah this is pretty typical with drunk emails... that being said...
A lot of times unintentional meanings come out in drunk/uninhibited sharing of our thoughts and feelings and what I get out of this is that she was unhappy with things for quite some time and from the words she uses, she hasn't felt like you were satisfied with her for awhile. The "are you happy now" I know is about you not feeling closure but at the same time its probably pretty typical of what she thought prior to this email too. Like she didn't feel like she ever lived up to some high bar you held out as expectation. This is how I read what she's saying.
on PC its easy for us to post our perspectives on a situation that involves ourselves and our mate or ex/mate. Thing is I'm glad you posted the email because it gives more insight to things a bit more than just your "version" of it. I am not implying that you are not accurately depicting things as you see them but that no singular perspective is entirely accurate.
The fact that she mentions she's "struggling" and that it's "weird" being alone and goes on to say that she's sorry for everything she put you through. Again, one can assume this is about the break up but reading a bit deeper, it seems to me she feels that she has been under the impression she has put you through a lot over the years too. yes, it's an assumption but not one out of left field when in context you put all that she said into one story.
"does it make you feel better I'm a cold hearted b**ch?" That speaks volumes to her impression of how you feel or felt about her over the years. I am not saying you are in the wrong here but speaking of her feelings and perspective on things. I doubt that it comes from out of nowhere, but only you can be honest about things with yourself and how or why she might say something like that. Why would she think that you'd feel better that she's a cold hearted b*? Something to ponder.
"is this what you wanted... me miserable... floundering without you..." This to me implies that over the years you've wanted her to need you more than she did. That in the dynamic of the relationship you felt you were the caretaker and did a lot for her and she was incapable of doing for herself.
Without more information, there is no way to understand why she left and what went on. YOU know better than anyone. Typically a break up is not only one person's fault but some of both involved.
either you really don't know how or why this happened and you should consider that, so that going forward you know what to look for in a woman if you choose to do that and also what you need to work on yourself, or... you do know what happened, are pleading for comfort even though you made mistakes yourself and deep inside knew this was coming or you're in denial that you're responsible for some of the problems that led up to this. You tell me.
Things to think about though. For you, I am sorry it ended. I know that's hard to deal with anyway but you gotta just move on honestly because regardless of the reasons, she's clearly finished with you.