I definitely understand that some ups and downs are expected as part of life. I just get suspicious when my mood shifts without an external factor.

A couple of days ago I was talking to a friend - 2 days ago I was really depressed, the culmination of a couple months of depression that had been triggered by grief and stress. Well, I complained to this friend that I seem to do ok for a year or two but then everything falls apart. And he framed it as an opportunity to build it back up even better than before. I think I took that to heart this morning, looked at things with a bit more optimism and decided to use this time to create a better life for myself.

I'm talking things like setting up a better routine, finding a better job, trying harder in therapy, exercising more regularly. Nothing like moving across the country or big drastic changes.

But I still stepped back and looked at that optimism with suspicion.