Not going to do that.
In addition, in speaking with my therapist today she feels, in view of his and I special relationship (which I will NOT reveal), he's in conflict with his feelings.
This week we had what you might call a spat or whatever. Yes, I was upset about some second hand information about him that, really, I shouldn't have delved into. I had no right. But it happened and I sorta went off inside of me and it spilled onto him in a roundabout way. He called, and called, and called again with me not answering. At one point he left a frustrating message about why is it I want him to answer the phone when I call, yet I won't answer when he calls, and some other stuff that kinda rocked me a little, but I had to calm myself down. Yes, I texted him with something not too pretty, and that was why he was calling my phone off the hook.
That night, realizing how absolutely wrong I was, I hardly slept. So the next day I texted him an apology, again (the first one was past July '16). He immediately texted me back. And no it wasn't pretty, though not terribly bad. Just words with pain. Why? Because I hurt him. Yet, he left the door wide open for the both of us which I appreciated, and made me feel secure.
Y'all say to leave him. I say I'm not, so I won't.
You see, one of the things I want in a man, actually needs, is a man who isn't afraid to stand up to me. In other words, a man who has a backbone! I've been with men who were spineless. Now wait. I'm not talking about abuse in any shape, form, or fashion. But I want someone who isn't afraid to say to me "NO!" I want someone who leads as a man should. I want someone who will make me want to honor and respect him even while I might be angry at him, etc.
In other words, i want a MAN!
And again, I am not speaking of abuse. If y'all still don't understand and that is based only on what is written here, I don't know what to tell ya.
Except this: I found him!
I don't know what this is or will lead to. Nevertheless, again...I found him! And I'm not leaving, at least of my own accord.