I just did more personal evaluation and discovered why I want to make a drastic professional change: I'm not only bored, but also lonely. I work as a field reporter, so I am often working alone with very few co-workers to chat with, grab coffee with, go to happy hour with, etc. I mainly talk to my co-workers on the phone or via email. It's hard to feel visible when you're just a voice on the phone. I'm mostly on-call, with little face-to-face interaction.

I guess that's another reason why I'm feeling blue with my job (for the second time in one year) and willing to leave it to work as a barista while freelancing. I don't feel visible. I don't feel noticed. I don't feel like I'm part of a team. I may be an introvert, but I am not anti-social.

Just for the record, I just want to leave the newspaper job because of the above, but I will keep my other part-time job (an adjunct professor). That one entertains me because I get to interact with people and not feel invisible. Also, I do not get any benefits from either job, so I am not missing out on anything.

Yeah, my plans don't make sense, and I am being very immature right now. I have been trying to find another job in news, but not much luck. And the loneliness and isolation is so aching! I just feel impulsive and stupid and immature right now. I could be undervaluing myself a great deal now too. Wait, I am.

What's wrong with me? I do feel a bout of depression is coming, and I'm trying to keep it at bay. Yes, I am bored and aching to do something about it. I'm feeling very lost now, and don't know what to do now. I do have goals to be a freelance journalist while also running a video business (which I recently started, yay me!). So I am not without direction. I just feel lost and confused on how to get there, hence another reason why I am considering the whole freelance/barista thing. I guess I have no discipline and/or confidence.

Can anyone figure out what the hell is wrong with me? Why am I being so immature and impulsive? Am I really that lost? Or am I really unable to cope with loneliness and boredom?