I have been having a lot of triggers and screen memories of things that I don't even know if they are real and happened. I had a time free of all that for a while and it was nice. But things started getting intense and I had a rupture with my therapist. I also saw a show that brought some triggers to life and I've been having them ever since, so probably a month. Last night was the worst where I had taken some cannabis oil to help with pain and then watched A movie that would likely be considered RA material for screen memories during abuse. I had several mini blackouts in a row and could not determine what was real and what was not. I was afraid to tell any of this to the emergency crew last night that came when I fell out of my doorway screaming for help. I thought I was having a stroke… Or perhaps a psychotic break. It turned out that I simply had too much of the cannabis oil and that along with the triggers from the movie set everything off. It's so frustrating to not have anyone I can talk to about these things. My therapist never believed them to begin with I think and now we have terminated.
And I got to the point where I didn't feel I could trust her anyway to tell her things without putting me inpatient. And I can't talk about this with friends because it triggers them and I don't have a provider.