I am realising just how much maternal transference I am putting onto my wife right now, and wondered if anyone else did/had experienced similar?

Abused primarily emotionally, but also sexually, as a child by my mother, living in fear of my mother (now in her late 70s), I am now realising just how many of my current relationship problems are actually because there is a 3rd person in our marriage.

We have been together 18 years now, and I suspect there was an element of transference there from the beginning. However, until 6 years ago, we had a good friendship (long since celibate), genuinely enjoying each others company, loving each other.

While I can, in my mind, separate my wife from my mother, my primary reactions towards her are as to my mother. Will this ever end? It is causing both of us immense pain. She has her own problems, now being addressed in therapy, but it seems we are a constant trigger for each other.
Talking generally ends up in pain.

I am in therapy - EMDR, addressing childhood trauma.

While there is plenty written about transference within a therapeutic relationship, there is little about transference of a parent onto a spouse.

Hoping I am not alone...
Hoping this will sort itself out...

I do not want to throw away a relationship which was (I thought) good.
However this level of pain for both of us cannot go on.