Hello.

Please don't take this the wrong way - I'm not sure I've put this across very well. I'm not criticising, rather trying to suggest another way of looking at the situation.

Isn't it up to him whether he wants to be with you? I mean, is it for you to say how he feels, what is best for him and who can make him happy? Should he be the one who should choose who is 'good enough' for him? If you love him and trust his judgement then maybe you should let him make his own life choices. You choose whether you want to be with him, and he chooses whether he wants to be with you.

I didn't get why my late partner loved me - but I just had to accept that he chose me and it was his right to choose who he wanted. It takes all sorts of people to make the world what it is, and I had to get my head around the fact that this man was mad enough to want to be anywhere near me. I didn't understand it, but then again I don't get quantum physics either - just one of those things.

I understand the optimism and then settling back into isolation. I also understand not being able to socialise, or making arrangements and backing out at the last minute because it's too much. I understand about analysing everything you said after any social interaction and the awful feeling when you find all the things you said or did that make you feel stupid. It's about finding techniques to cope with it all a bit. And finding a way of doing it as a couple...working together so that the needs of both of you are met.

You have someone who cares for you. That is a valuable and precious thing. Treasure it. I have been alone for over seven years now - I would give so much to be able to get my barriers down to let someone that close to me - physically or emotionally. But I can't. I know it's hard and generally overwhelming, but don't give up.