I can relate. I have no diagnosis but suspect on the spectrum. My daughter was dx with Aspergers 10 years ago and is just like me, and my dad is the quintessential Aspie. For me, I have yet to find an anti-depressant that relieves the deep existential grief I feel, and the residual trauma from childhood. I am also quite lonely and despite being smart I just don't fit anywhere. I feel intuitively that self-acceptance and self-love needs to be the answer, but they are such foreign concepts for a person who has spent their whole life beating themselves up for being a weirdo. Being high-functioning is hard because it's so invisible, and you just end up feeling like an alien. No advice, but I wanted to say that I understand some of what you are going through.