Quote:
Originally Posted by L.P.
hi everybody.
i feel weird today and i felt weird yestersay to. i think i know how come but it dont make me feel better.
me and veda the lady who been doin lots the host stuff me and her real co con lots of the time. sometimes itsreal hard to know if im me or her or she me or what. she say it co present. sometimes that make her feel weird but she dont make me feel real weird.
last night somebody else was there. and then i didnt know if it was me there to or i was watchin her or veda was watchin n i feel it to cuz veda was or what was happenin. i know it was harmony this other lady inside but i never felt like that with harmony before. it was new. it made me feel bleh.
today i dont know if im me or what. it feel like i still got harmony leftovers. i think im me cuz i gotta be cuz im here. maybe. veda been feel funny today to. maybe i feelin her. now i understand how come feelin me co present make veda feel weird cuz harmony doin it to me now.
i got lots to think about cuz of this. buut its hard to think right now.
anybody else ever feel this way? like you dont know if you only you or somebody else or maybe somebody else to? this is confusing. one time i feel like me to then im diffrent then im me. im switchy today maybe to. im confused.
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a thought here... with dissociation reality remains intact.. that means one knows whats real and what isnt, and what belongs to one alter and all that kinds of stuff...
try some reality testing. ask the other alter if what is going on is part of their sense of agency. touch something near you. if you can touch it, its real.
another thought.... when I felt the way you did I thought it was being co conscious. but then my treatment provider explained something to me...
even in co conscious state of mind reality remains intact.. alters can feel and know what each other is doing, saying, feeling and remembering but they know which is which, what is part of one vs belonging to the other.
then she explained integration as it pertains to alters coming together to form one whole person again.. everything gets mingled together kind of like taking a cold glass of water and a hot glass of water. before integration they are their own sense of agency and items. but then when you pour the two glasses of water together they become one whole glass of warm\room temperature water. you cant tell which part of the water belonged to the cold water and which belonged to the hot water because they have become one whole glass of water. I was going through that process where alters were merging together to become one whole person again. the first step to no longer being DID. this was a great thing and showed amazing progress and healing.
suggestion it may be that you and the others are now integrating/ becoming one whole person again, in short no longer being DID soon. your treatment provider can explain to you whether this is whats happening to you all and what you can do that will help you not feel so confused.