When I read how happy you were without the influence of the meds, it breaks my heart to tell you that you must take the meds. But yes, you need to take them in order to make the depression less powerful. I agree with @miguelsmom that it looks like you were just hit by the depression.

I have to think about your future, because at some point you'll need to take care of yourself/be responsible for yourself. I wish you can save your feeling of being magical and let that be one of the better feelings you can have, but not in place of reality.

You have been so brave. You have started down the path of reality, even knowing that the meds would probably curb those wonderful feelings you have when you're more manic. That takes a ton of courage. I am so proud of you, Eden. You have been doing awesome.

Tell your care team that the depression has started getting bad. Maybe there's something they can use to help with that.

Your courage just makes me so proud of you. [emoji813]