BeyondTheRainbow - Woah, that's crazy. Glad it ended up working out for you at least, after going through all that.

Hemmingway - Why did it ultimately not work for you? Was the insomnia the deal breaker, or was the anxiety bad enough to just not be worth it?

I haven't taken the Emsam in about a week, I'm a little mad at myself because I'm still so indecisive. I'd planned on probably quitting for a day or 2 to see if I felt better because it was just getting too much and then probably continuing a bit more, but I ended up just letting it go and staying off.

Now after a few days of that I'm remembering, oh yeah, I still don't feel great off of it, need a med, and don't have many options left. I'm trying to decide whether I should go back on and try it a little longer or not. I think I feel a little better in some ways, and some of the weirdness I've been feeling I can't tell if it's from withdrawal or just something coming back that the Emsam may've been slightly helping with. I can't decide whether more time on it is bearable, and again Emsam just really worries me because it seems to be an odd med for me and I don't want it to make me deteriorate. I've seen small signs of it possibly making me feel less connected to reality, and maybe even pushing me toward (dysphoric) hypomania (because that's a possibility, uncertain whether I could have bipolar 2), but then again I've been hypervigilant and over-analyzing everything. Those are just the scary things I wouldn't wanna mess with and take the risk.

I wish I could just see into the future after a few more weeks on it and see if it'd be totally different and I'd be glad I stuck through the anxiety and everything, because that could be possible. I just kinda wonder if the anxiety ever really would go away enough or if it'd just end up making my anxiety too bad to be worth it. I can't really see that many side effects and weird feelings just going away, but I don't know.

I just can't make up my mind, and I know going back and forth is bad for me. When I'm on it I really wanna just take the patch off, thinking I'll feel better, then when I'm off it I feel like maybe I should try it and see.