Lol thanks Lost_in_the_woods, thats so funny

i lost what truth was a long long long long loong time ago, if i ever had it
my entire life i have been trying to figure life out, as most people im sure, but just on a more confusing level i think... i have a great deal many conflicting thoughts and ideas / beliefs that move back and forth... for many years now i just have been trying to not think about them.. but lately trying to put things in order, put things in their place, and get things organized so that i can try to start a real life... its just difficult i guess but its ok.. i got this

the thing that happened was just something silly... apparently i have a crush on this girl and i sent her a message.. pretty simple message just saying im here to talk if she wanted/needed someone to talk with..
but it provoked very much anxiety and fear because i have a crush on her i guess, i dont know much about crushes/love or good feelings apparently and it just caused inside to freak out a bit.. like i said, not like anything bad can come from it - so just an overdramatization of internal fears of past happenings i suppose

im ok now.. well enough atleast, just trying to figure out why the idea of getting close to someone or letting myself talk to someone causes so much problems :/
its kind of the one thing in life that i would like to experience before i die

everything in my head is all messed up... so it all gets super confusing and tiresome trying to remind myself all the time whats what and why this is that way and what do about this or that and stuff...

but its all good.. just sucks because it made me feel really good to send a nice message to someone i liked :P and then all of a sudden it was like NOOO YOU FOOOOL - but what can you do

maybe i'll get lucky and she can prove my inside wrong and make me happy and then i can go "I TOLD YOU SO!!"