I have this problem (what else is new eh? We're here because we're all having problems).
Anyway, the problem is when I am or get upset I go off verbally, and then have to turn around and apologize to the person. I mean, I begin feeling more than absolutely rotten!! I start feeling that I messed up the relationship with that person, whether it's family, friend, or romantic. I start feeling that he or she no longer wants anything to do with me.
Of course the person always accepts my apology. But I'm so scared of it repeating itself. I'm so afraid that he or she will tire of me, and throw up their hands as in "Forget you! You're nuts! I can't take you anymore!"
The man I'm involved with? Now he's a classic example. Just this past Tuesday, something occurred about a stupid call, and I went off. He kept calling, I kept refusing to answer. Finally he left a voicemail saying how is it when I call him, I want him to answer (true), yet when he calls I don't answer (this time). He was right.
So I texted him an apology, again.
He texted right back saying "When you're feeling out of it, don't call, wait until you're okay. Love you..."
At first I felt that was soo wrong of him to say that to me, because, after all, I have an illness that yes, he knows about because I told him. I felt he was cutting me off.
But after calming down (actually, truthfully, forcing myself to), I had to think about it. And I had to admit that, one, I hurt him. Two, I disrespected him. Three, he does have a spine after all and is not going to allow someone, illness and all, to mistreat him. Four, he's giving me space. Five, he did not cut me off after all.
Sometimes I get sick of me.