That's how I feel about today's session. I feel connected to my T and had a good session. I showed her some photos since I don't email them anymore. I told her she's not interchangeable, so it's not the same to ask me who is here for me outside of therapy. She wanted to know what qualities I like in her that I feel that way. I said "you pay attention to me because it's your job." "You listen, you praise me, you like me." The usual answers. She is consistent in making it not about her. It's hard for me.

We did a variation of EMDR that was interesting. T said it will help when I get anxious while she's gone and in general. I held the buzzers, closed my eyes, and had to concentrate on the nurturing people in my life. She said I could include her, so of course I did. She put both hands over mine while I held the buzzers. I almost cried during this exercise. We also did it while I visualized my place of calm and safety, beach or pool.

I decided this morning that I would sing the songs I've been working on in my music class. That was the highlight of the session. Afterward, T said how present and confident I am while singing, and to see if I can carry that over to other situations. She and I both think it's great because it was totally my own idea to take voice lessons.

We decided I can email after my surgery and she will answer. If I need to, I can email twice and she will answer. At the end of the session, I said "I'm going to miss you," and she said she'll miss me too. We hugged and I was on my way.

I'll see her in 3 weeks which isn't so long but I don't like when she goes out of the country. I'm holding back tears right now because I have a lot to do. I realize I can't just shut her out. She's important to me and I'm important to her too. Even without emailing.