Thanks but I think you've gotten the wrong end of the stick. It was likely the way I wrote, I wasn't in a good state of mind at the time.

I didn't mean I couldn't see or hear or was stuck in any inertia. I could interact 'easily' if required. However, in these times I'm overwhelmed and not in my usual state of mind. I hear and see things that are not reality. I do not mean psychosis, just intrusions of the past perhaps. Someone can say something that reminds me on some level of something from the past and suddenly I'm reacting completely ridiculously. I can be hypervigilent or angry and aggressive. I feel people are generally being horrid and mean and nasty despite knowing they're not at all. But when I'm in that headspace it is completely true and I want to, have to, sort it out in someway just to settle the emotions somehow. I do and say things that I wouldn't generally. It goes beyond usual high emotions to something where I am unable to function properly in my life as I would do generally for a day or two. I'm consumed by what happened and nothing else filters through at all. I'm trying out not reacting but it is really hard. I get headaches, my mood is clearly low, I can't think properly, I sit doing not much of anything for hours on end. I can't function to carry on with my day, like walk around people, focus on work etc.

I don't think I'm dissociative, perhaps this is the wrong sub forum. I meant more how it feels as though something else takes over and reacts in ways that are not me at all. Then I struggle because I can't function in the same way with people as I usually would. Unless there is a real crisis then I could perform.

I just find it hard to sit in a world where I know reality has shifted and I don't know how to cope with it. I have this need to do something...anything...but I'm desperately trying not to. Sometimes I do just spend the day sitting or lying in bed ... like I'm pushed into a crippling depression. I can't believe it'll ever be okay and it makes me physically ill trying not to act because my past wants to act because it never acted but I don't because it's inappropriate but also I do because I'm sick of being quiet.

Basically I'm in a totally different headspace where I seem to forget what is real and not (not in an amnesia way)...more like the yelling you described. Sometimes there is so much yelling it's like a pressure that builds and builds and the screaming and it hurts so badly that I just want an outlet for it. It's like my head is full and consumed and yet fuzzy like I'm underwater it is hard to 'see'/think clearly. Sometimes...okay often...I believe it and that is tough when afterward I calm down and realise it wasn't but by that time I'm exhausted and lost a day. Not as in I don't remember it, just i couldn't function at all.

I just feel there are these parts to me that jump in. They're not dissociative as they're all me but they don't feel like me either as they escalate quickly and act in ways I never would even when I'm really angry and know it. It's like panic.

This got long. I lost another day to this and I'm sick of it. It's exhausting trying to balance everything continually. I can't do what I need to during the day when this happens, I go sit on my sofa and just obsess or the day goes and I don't do anything because I can't. Usually I'm productive in life.