Thanks everyone for your honest responses.

This woman is going to **** me up.

I don't trust these people. Especially not since the clonazepam "taper" nightmare.

But you guys are right. Doing things my way hasn't been working for me.

I don't think doing what this pdoc wants is going to work for me either. But at least if I do it the pdocs way I'll be able to rejoin my family.

I guess I'll just deal with it. If I can survive clonazepam withdrawal I'll be able to survive gabapentin withdrawal.

I've been dealing with anxiety since I was a little girl. I can just deal with it some more. It's always better to just deal with it I guess then to be on something that helps. No one takes anxiety seriously. I'd rather have completely out of control bipolar then have constant anxiety.

It's going to be fantastic to have constant anxiety AND somewhat out of control bipolar symptoms.

Here's my whiny moment: Why is this happening to me?! I never thought I'd get a doctor who wouldn't prescribe me ****ing gabapentin. I wish I never would have been put on it. If I had never been put on it I'd be completely over clonazepam right now and wouldn't be dealing with this again. I'm so freaked out I just spent fifteen minutes crying in my ****ing closet. I know. Boo ****ing hoo. Get over it. Just deal with it.

I'm not abusing it right now. I can't. My mom watches me dispense my meds like a hawk. It's actually sort of annoying.

My pdoc is the one who gave me the idea of asking a GP for it. She said, and I quote again, "Can't you get an MD to prescribe it for you?". She said that. Not making it up.