Hiya Kiya. So sorry you're having such a hard time at the moment. I agree with ES - sounds like you need a t who can deal. It's way too hard to work through that crap alone.
I am not sure of the extent of our RA type abuse yet. I know it wasn't typical RA stuff like you see in the US. But it was definitely 'R', definitely 'A', and definitely bad. We need to head into that territory atm and I'm currently trying to arm myself with the tools to do so, including finding a local t who can walk this walk with me.
Anyways.... you're not alone in this here. Take care out there, Kiya.