For a long time now, I've felt I really need to start taking better care of myself, but just can't seem to do it

When I saw a therapist years ago, we got to a point where she'd often say, 'Maybe now's the time to just sleep.. eat.. move.. when you feel like it - even if that's all you know about yourself for now.'

I was (and still am) trying to force myself into knowing 'what I want to do with my life'. I think this goes back to my mum who's always wanted me to be something - while paradoxically never wanting to know who I really am, what floats my boat.. As well as mixing what someone does with who they are.

There's always been a huge part of me that's wanted to please my mum in order to keep the peace. I've also completely acquired her way of working myself to the ground because for some insane reason, she values that. But I can't do this anymore.

The truth is, I don't know what I want from my life, and I think that should be OK. I'm going to stop forcing the issue. I'm going to do what my therapist said and just give myself what I need for now..

I know there's a real person inside of me wanting to come out, but of course, it's not safe if there's no one on the outside who WANTS to know her.. I need to find people who do! And the fact that my mum can only see and value me through my achievements (that SHE approves of) is her problem.