I think by hiding it all inside and feeling ashamed of being needy it just inflames it all. Admitting I liked my T, admitting I wanted her to hold me while I cried, admitting that I wished she would be my good enough mother a d her still being there after all that had made a huge difference to me. I guess I did name it (even though I don't believe this is transference) and it has tamed it for me. I know she will meet my needs in the sessions and somewhat out of session through limited use of emails and texts. This has made a world of difference and my feelings for her are mostly stable when things go well. I think of her and still want from her but not in an obsessive and over the top way, in my mind anyway.

I hope you can have the conversation. I got all of this out of the way very early because I did not want to be in a therapeutic relationship that would not meet my needs, because for me this fuels everything.