You are not bad for posting that. I know it may feel like it, but you are not... that was incredibly courageous to post. Thank you for trusting us enough to share.
I would agree that it's quite abusive...
I hate when situations get confusing. I can relate to knowing your parents were doing something out of genuine love, even if their idea of it was totally off. I struggle with those same doubts around stuff that went on in my childhood. It would be so much easier to process it all if there was only fear and hate. The love makes it confusing. Sadly, some parents have a really warped idea of love. My dad was t is that way. Some of the things you mentioned in your post are very relatable...
I hope you either have a t you can work through this with, or can find one...