Jayne, OMG! Thank you so much for your words! .
First, no I do not have an alternative response, as a matter of fact, I hadn't even thought of having an alternative response really. I'll bring that up with my therapist.
Second, I had no idea I was self-reflecting, with "remarkable insight and self awareness."
And as far as my man is concerned, well past Tuesday, for the first time, with me anyway, he lost it, I guess. He's not perfect after all.
When I refused to answer the phone, he left a message. One thing he said was "Are you going through one of your moods!? Did you forget to take your medication!"?
At first, when listening to that part of the message, I admit my blood boiled!!! It sure did! "How dare he!" I said to myself. "I can't believe he's using this against me! Can't believe it!" Oh I was soo upset.
But, again, after calming down, (and trust me, the calming down part took some time) actually forcing myself to calm down, I had to admit that though he was dead wrong, I was wrong too, and he was only reacting. It was wayyy after that that I apologized, and immediately he texted what he did.
I just know how I act at times, am affecting people in my life, and how they all are so wonderful about it, yet I'm in almost constant fear that one day they'll get tired of it. It hurts me that I'm hurting them, yet at times I feel I have no control, yet that's totally ridiculous because we all have control, even if it's a bit. Afterwards, I feel more than rotten, put my tail between my legs and apologize. Yet when I say or tell myself it won't happen again...BOOM! it does and as they say "here we go again."
Am I a slave to this illness? (Bipolar depression, with PD tendencies).