i dunno, i've been fine most of the day then sudenly i am thinking of ways to kill myself and what im going to write in my suicide note, i know i wont do it as i will hurt to many people but am i hurting myself more buy thinking like this, i just cant help it, my brain is on total overload its half 11 at nyt i have college in the morning am despirate for sleep but cant, most likely gunna be up till 3 in the morning then back up at 7 to get ready for college, then their till 2 and knowing me back home to finally get the sleep i will be craving all night, and you know what i am sick of it, i think im finally going to go and see ym doctor, but then i think will he understand how i feel will he believe me, i dont know what to do, these days im more indecisive then ever before, i would rather be told than left to do it myself, i cant pluck up courage anymore and before i used to be such an outgoing person, nowadays everyone has noticed that im different, i just want to spend my time indoors, i find myself not able to be with all my friends at once i just get ajitated, is this right? my family dont know how i feel yet somehow i feel i can talk about it on here

sorry for making u read that. im in a horrible mood tonight,

kaz xxxxxxxxx