I'm sorry to ask this, but the mh nurse i was starting to talk through this with has just left her job and i feel lost and am driving myself crazy, i want to know whether this was csa because i want to know if its serious enough to bring up with my care co-ordinator/therapist, because i could talk to my nurse about anything but i'd feel embarrassed bringing up something so small with my therapist

Firstly, when i was a child my grandad used to hold my head to make me kiss him on the lips, and would come into my bedroom when i was staying at his house I cant remember where he actually touched, it might've been nothing serious, but i used to be terrified of him coming into my room and would always try to push him off and roll away from him. He used to always tell me that i was his best looking grandchild and

Secondly, when i was about 10/11 i went for a sleepover at my friends house and one other friend was there (i'm female and they were both boys.) i dont remember if he actually touched me but eventually i moved away and he left me alone.

A few years later i told a few of my friends at school who, without my consent, told other people until eventually most of the school knew about it and hated me because they thought i'd lied and made it up (obviously the story had changed as it had been passed around until it became me lying about being raped by them.) The older boy kept telling me it never happened and that i'd never even slept at his house and even now there's a part of me that feels untrusting of my own memories and thinks maybe i did make it up for attention. He and his girlfriend at the time used to get into group chats with me online and because i'd ruined his life. Since then i have mostly isolated myself from people and am so terrified of seeing them or their friends again incase they start shouting at me or tell more people that i'm a liar

Thank you for reading, sorry this ended up being so long, and dont be afraid to tell me that this was nothing if that's what it is