hi kazzi

a thought came to me while i read your post. you say you think about suicide but won't do it. could it be that your mind followed the depressive line of thinking to its full course? i mean, sometimes i wonder if there is another side of my mind, watching the first side, the side that does the majority of thinking and in its own way it "helps" the first side by offering solutions and counter solutions to the original thoughts... since you don't intend to suicide maybe its your mind trying to show you the complete picture of what your logic is leading to, ergo, helping to re-direct and even tho its uncomfortable, to be led away you must be led there in order to know what turns to make...

somewhat rambling, sorry, hope you can get what i intended to say...

anyhow, you're correct, people here will listen, have had similar experiences, and do care...