Having a mixed episode. Been all over the map today. I drove to the liquor store but they were real busy, and all those people going in and out were looking at me in my truck thinking, he's going to self medicate and abuse alcohol. I haven't drank in years. I felt so guilty for being in the parking lot. I left and came back, but still couldn't face the people in the liquor store so I left and went to walmart, picked up a few things and started racing my way to the self checkouts as I was shifting from coping, to panic mode. I made it out of the store and hurried home. I hate this roller coaster mental state.