So I was pretty irritable this morning. Then I started to get better, tinkered in my shop.

Trigger warning!!!!

This evening I was sitting on the couch and my dad was fondling his pistol. He left it their so I handled it, trying the trigger out, feeling the grip. Then I suddenly got the desire to put the pistol to my head. It was unloaded and I have little desire to die. So as soon as that thought cane about I put the gun in the safe and gave my old man his keys. I told him to not leave his guns out and he is fine with that.

I don't know why guns trigger these thoughts and anxiety. But they do at times. I can be at the rifle range, having a good time, talking guns, etc... Then all of a sudden depressed and angry. It's almost like a psycho in my head trying to destroy my life.