Oh sorry, didnt know the "neg transference" was your idea, though it's a therapy idea generally. My last one also tried to prop up her sense of self. I think the failure crushed her, but rather than be forthright about it, she tried blaming me and pretending that things weren't so bad.

Wow that is an incredibly long stretch of therapy you've done. Seems you have a right to vent. Yes the messages are insistent about overcoming problems and needing a professional to facilitate or whatever.

I do recall some of Kohut's ideas in the psych books i've read but all i can recall is the self-object concept.