I hear you too. It is a very painful place to be. I don't how it is for you, but similar feelings for me were multi layered... there were feelings about being alone in pain (child like), feelings about being socially rejected (never begin good enough or fitting in to any sort of social setting) and feelings about not being 'good enough' for a relationship. I wonder if the things you have been posting about recently have triggered up all these feelings for you now? I know these kinds of feelings can be triggered up by pretty much anything tho, when you've lived a life bereft of supportive relationships.

Hang in there ES. Now, while painful, is not forever.