Hi Brainy,
First of all, I hope you are sleeping now. Please know that I think your actions are forgivable--I know that doesn't mean much coming from a stranger and I don't know everything about the situation, but you are really beating yourself up right now and I just want to give a voice that says 'hey there, please stop and breath. You are a precious human who is worth patience, and second and third chances.' If he doesn't pick up the phone, he can still call you back later. Also, if he does move on, you still have gained so much valuable insight and you will do better the next time around.
I meant what I said in the first post too regarding your excellent reflection and self awareness and empathy and concern for others --you might be surprised how many people in this world cannot do (or chose not to do) what you have described in your posts. Yes, the goal may be to eventually be able to have that pause and self reflection during the conflict, but it sounds like you are the kind of person who truly grows and learns and makes changes. Look at you your partner picker radar has already improved you used to be with guys who didn't appreciate you, now you've chosen someone good.

Oh, and regarding bipolar depression and PD tendencies: I really don't know much about them. I have another relative who has been diagnosed with the former so I'd like to learn more. She had some rocky years but it's my understanding she's doing really well.
I think your going to continue to grow and to learn how to be the best you possible and eventually Bipolar depression and PD will be things you manage. I also believe such illnesses bring unexpected gifts. Take for instance your empathy, ability to put yourself in other people's shoes, and your emotional strength and self awareness. I have met people through this forum and another who are struggling with similar illnesses and the amazing thing is through those struggle they develop skills and qualities other people who do not suffer these illnesses never develop.
I apologize if I've made any assumptions in my above reply.
Please take care and I hope you end up getting some good sleep tonight.