I've written several posts & then not posted them cause I thought i'm just hurting myself even more... I'll try to post this one... it's so painful to talk about this but keeping it to myself is not helping either...I miss T sooo much....& I'm not sure, i don't know if she knows what I'm feeling for her...these stupid feelings that make me feel as if I was a child missing her mom & I don't even know if she knows that cause I always try to behave as in an adult to adult relationship with her.....while this part of me (or 95% of me to be honest) would like us to be in a parent/child relationship!!!! So I really wonder if she "guesses" that my feelings are not this adult kind.....so if you could tell me how do you know that they know your feelings? -I guess this is a stupid question as most of you must have told their feelings to their therapist so you must not have wondered this...but I'm totally UNABLE TO TELL HER the truth, that inside i'm like that ...... but at the same time, i'd love her to know...
It hurts soo much, I think about her everyday and all the time.. How can I stop that? This is crazy... I feel like if I told her what I'm dying to tell her : like "omg i love u so much & would like you to really be a part of my life" she would think or say : "omg what kind of weird person r u ? I thought you were normal ....wake up, you're an adult!" I know she's supposed to know about transference stuff but I can't help thinking that she mustn't realize it's happening with me.... or maybe she's got adult patients who never express this kind of feelings to her so it would be very strange that suddenly I show all this inapropriate love that I have inside.... I 'm afraid she would reject me or become distant w/ me, and that would be worse....
Anyway, thanks for reading

to you all
I reading you all