Hey.

So just a quick summary about me. I'm a hopeless romantic who gets a lot of subjective meaning in life from romance, mutual understanding, commitment, intimacy, and sacrifice for another human being. I also have avoidant personality disorder, am terrified of talking to even family in person, and only have had relationships that started online. The one time I went on a date with a girlfriend I was terrified to talk to them the whole time. So after that experience I became hopeless that I could ever possibly find someone to spend my life with which is something I possibly value the most in life.

Since about last May or June, my hopelessness got to the point of just being completely numb because I felt like what's the point since I'll never find someone so might as well not even worry about it so I just became completely numb.

Now the numbness is starting to go away and the feelings of loneliness are coming back. Still hopeless either way, but now I actually feel lonely again rather than empty. Don't know whether to consider that a positive or negative.

Anywho. Don't know why I posted this. Venting about it never makes me feel better. So guess I just wasted your and my time. Sorry. Thanks for reading.