I really love my husband. But I really related to the phrase "marriage is my prison" in Crazylion's post.
When I made my attempt, most of my emotions were quite numbed but I do remember and told my therapist during my first appointment last year that I was feeling anger toward my spouse when I did it. Now I feel a lot of guilt about putting him in a position where he found me. On this forum and when I see my therapist, I rarely talk about the dynamics between my spouse and I. I don't like being critical of others and my spouse has given me so much! We've been married 29 years! There are a lot of happy memories, especially during the beginning. But there are things about how we relate to each other that contributed to my depression. Also, my mental health issues have affected how he treats me. He can be very protective and sometimes helps me compensate for my "issues".
So, I know I need to discuss some "stuff" with my therapist for the sake of my sanity. Have only been going every other month since April but when I go this week, I plan on trying to talk more about it. I've been afraid to talk about it. I only talk about my issues. After all, it is not good (or possible) to want to change or to not be accepting of people as they are. I am a true believer of first and foremost, we have to fix what's wrong within ourselves. And I have many weaknesses. But I have also been identifying things that trigger my anxiety/panic attacks/etc. and sometimes certain conversations with him seem to trigger very intense physical responses that seem to have a life of their own.
So are there any other people who struggle with these issues? --Myst