Please trust your psych. At this point you are suffering so much, what do you have to loose? It is hard to sort this out and to trust, I fully understand that. But sometimes we just have to trust someone, no matter how hard it is. And maybe you should ask for an adjustment of your meds?

And I add this on account of what you write about angels not being there for you: If these beings truly do exist, they surely never abandon anyone. No matter what you think you have done. Ever.