I'm feeling good today but after I ate which gave me something to do, I feel like there's nothing to do. I mean sure I can do things like play with my hair or do a facial scrub but I just don't want to, as in I can't. It seems like nothing will satisfy me and there's nothing I can do in life that will create that happiness or fullfillness I desperately need.
Now, I feel like I need to be with someone to get some enjoyment and seeking attention, even though I'm around family. I do have a friend that I just met but I didn't want to invite him over just yet because my fear of people and fear of being in an awkward situation (in which I cannot escape). Now because of this emptiness, I want to get him over as soon as possible and I don't care what happens. I picture us being close like besties (bff's) but I KNOW that's not gonna happen. At this point, I'll even play football on the video game with my brother because it looks so tempting... and I hate football. (Not really, I did like the Panthers and I find that my brother being on the football team really amusing)
It's confusing, I feel so bored and empty that's im hopeless but I want to do something so bad that it's giving me extreme anxiety. I feel like nothing i can do can clinch that craving.