(((Here today))) thats a good point, about looking for twinship. You can tell when its just "supportive bs". You/i want it to be genuine, but you dont want to have to give up your authenticity to get it. You just want it to be recognized.

Otoh, if my so-called authenticity is really just my mothers unconsciously appropriated bullying, it needed giving up. Thats where my ts puppy dog eyes came in and finally caught my attention, that what i was doing wasnt nice. Not that anybody can just stop, but one can try.

Im not sure if thats where you were going. I was gonna say, i was lucky to find that supportive twinship here on pc. But its not for free. I think we work at it on both sides. Thats where pc can be like group therapy. You find a kindred soul here and there, on various forums. You get to know and appreciate them, even if your politics or religion or hobbies or marital status or challenges or whatever arent even close! Something about them is charming or homey to you. It ultimately helps you negotiate relationships IRL.