i have read a lot about those things [BPD traits, C-PTSD, DDNOS? And the AN-EPs? And ego states?]
my head isn't very clear and don't think that i can articulate very well currently...

it can be confusing because these things can overlap so much, i think what i have been trying to do is just focus on myself and whats happening.. trying to read about stuff and other peoples experience to hopefully grasp a bigger and better understanding of myself..

my therapist keeps mentioning Developmental trauma disorder as well...

my bpd traits are largely just the dissociation and lack of sense of self i believe... possibly fear of abandonment..
c-ptsd causing the flashbacks and nightmares and probably dissociation..
developmental trauma breaking me so that im highly susceptible...

ego states from what i can remember at this moment are like states that we can have control over..? like a 'normal' persons ability to be responsible work person and then go home and be goofy with the kids..?

dissociative states being similar as ego states but more disconnected ...? even fractured or broken completely off from the 'whole' ..?

anp are supposed to be like the fronting dissociative personalities that handle outside life..
eps like being the inner parts that try to manage the inner stuff.. sepperating the hard stuff from the anp so that they can function without the major disruption of being so dysregulated and hurt from a traumatic life..?

to me it seems to get murky, muddy, cloudy, confusing because it seems difficult to try to look inward and even difficult to look outward so its hard to make an analysis of what i feel but i know that im just really mixed up personally so what i think, feel, see or anything probably is wrong and just result of a confused guy trying too hard to understand something big

they have told me that i have a large amount of avoidant personality traits as well but i think they cant figure that stuff out in me because of my broken perosnality - gets weird when you can pretty much relate to all the disorders in some way and not fit in just a specific area

i think with therapy what matters is if it works for you... dealing with symptoms like this you really do want a trauma therapist atleast and hopefully a dissociative specialist...

i think of therapy like a class on myself... explore myself and learn about myself so that we can fix things up a bit.. little by little..

i have a lot of amnesia problems apparently though so its easy for me to look all confused and be like "something must be wrong" only to forget it a few minutes later and later on the day to have the same thought

you dont really have to have amnesia problems though, some people dont - some people do and just dont notice they do because they have amnesia for having amnesia and just arent aware they are forgetful or aware of the things they forget

i gotta stop writing now because im rambling and just wanted to say hi and to keep fighting... things seem to get worse before they get better, but when we start shaking things up then the truths start to come out a little by little...

take care and be safe