Hello nxnvn: I'm sorry you are carrying around these disturbing memories. Obviously I don't know to what extent they are, or are not, real. However they certainly are painful for you... & understandably so! So, from my perspective, they are definitely something you need to talk with someone about... preferably a mental health therapist you feel comfortable confiding in.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!