Thank you all SO much for your replies, your support is invaluable!

stewartmays1, I'm so glad to hear you're working on turning things around, too. I think you make a very good and important point about wanting things to change right away - I was just reading about how to recover from exhaustion, and several articles said it takes as long as it took me to get to this point. I've had a good ten years of not taking care of myself properly and even longer of things messing me up that were out of my control. I can't expect it all to change overnight however much I wish it would. I need to accept that and be kind to myself.

Jayne, thank you so much for what you wrote. It actually made me cry, I was so touched by how much hope you have for my situation. Thank you for your encouraging words I'm also beyond grateful I have this place where I can share my feelings