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I can understand everything you are saying and describing. It's happened to me too.
It's a really scary place to find your self in. I'm so sorry that you experienced it.
I have no words of advice, because I'm trying to find them myself. Maybe someone else does and could share them with us.
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"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning
"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
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