im not on my computer right now so i dont have all of my bookmarks and stuff but i have read some things like... we can have many thigns going on with us but it only becomes a disorder when it inhibits our daily functioning and what not

trauma stuff is pretty crazy... i mean i semi remember reading something about how people steer more clear of trauma related discussion and stuff because it breaks down to like a society issue with how we are and live as humans rather than biological like schizophrenia or bipolar ...?

so seem like maybe we aren't getting as much attention as we should because people dont want to admit the societal problems that we face in what is supposed to be such an advanced age of our society..?

im sure thats not exactly what it was saying but i dont have my bookmarks so cant pull it up...

somethings some people would consider trauma others wouldnt... some things that some people would consider normal maybe not so normal or healthy for developing child...

i have read that experiencing many medical procedures and things growing up as a yungster could cause similar problems because procedures can be traumatizing to a child...?

im not good at self soothing either apparently... my T has been trying to get me to work on that because i guess i tend to just dissociate heavily at the pin drop or something..
the few "soothing" things i do are not healthy either ... like drinking or smoking or even self harm...

what kind of yelling do you mean? inside getting loud? alice in wonderland stuff?

i say the same thing about labels its like this for me... i dont care so much about what it is, as much as i care about what it is; and i know that is like an oxymoron or whatever but its how i feel.. its not as important about what it is as it is important for me to understand what it is if that makes sense?
i think it is important to have an understanding of what we experience... not so much having a name tag to wear around and whatnot.. how can you take your car to a mechanic if you dont know what kind of car it is? or if you are driving a car or a motorcycle? or if you are even driving or moving anywhere to begin with!

try taking a boat to a bicycle man and he probably look at you like you wack

the entire dissociative stuff is confusing to me because the more i think about it the more i notice and the more weird stuff gets which jumbles up everything and causes me to just have like cognitive dissonance or something...

so im definitely not an expert and probably dont know very much to give advice... my understanding of 'parts' and stuff like anp and eps and egos and stuff is probably mixed up but it is something that i am trying to understand as well because i feel weird all the time - besides when im not really present - but i feel like im supposed to know, and on the surface i am fairly competant like you say... so much so that doctors look at me puzzled sometimes... lawyers think im exagerating probably... the disability people dont believe me... but its because im doing what i have to do to survive! not because im making stuff up... if i dont go to the doctor and try to explain things or talk to lawyers or try to get disability then im as good as dead... so i present myself the best i can and try to explain my self and things about myself.. which i dont understand or know myself at all!

so it gets confusing

like you i just want my life as well

im not sure how to hndle the overwhelming stuff either... very easy to be overwhelmed

i was reading something i think by van der kolk that talked about developmental trauma and how it can develop anywhere from when the child is a fetus to like 36 months? or something along those lines... so maybe thats like biological thing you mention?

i have a very very very long complicated trauma history of big and little T like they say... so im just really mixed up :/

i feel trapped too... i always thought it was part of my ptsd / c-ptsd stuff though... but i've only been back in therapy for like.. a few months.. i lost count... since may or something..? but im trying to learn as much as i can from therapy since its like the only support i can really get

sometimes we experience things in our life that we dont realize negatively affected us i think...?
i know i saw my first doctor for depression and anxiety in like 2010... i thought i was just depressed/anxious with social phobia... i didnt even know or consider that i had PTSD...
but i knew that i had been through a messed up childhood/teenage years and still was experiencing messed up stuff at 20 years old... it just didnt cross my mind that the traumatic experiences were that bad...

i thought it was normal and that i was normal enough and that i was just being a baby about stuff and whatnot.. but after researching a lot and talking to some people i've been slowly trying to accept that i have been severely traumatized... i guess it has to be a slow process or else i would literally shut down and die!
but slow is good, i like to take things slow, just sometimes i wish it could all get better NOW so that i can stop wasting life and enjoy the bit of life i have left
but if i dont do what i can do then i wont be making any progress soooo ... slow progress = better than no progress

im rambling a bit.. im just a mixed up guy looking for answers too though so i just wanted to add that

we have to advocate really good for ourselves or else we end up having mistreatments and misdiagnosis and not making progress... like the 4 years i was in the clinic from 2012 being treated for non-existant bipolar
and spending those days in the hospital because they thought they could fix it by just rapidly adjusting medications

if i was on my computer i would have more information but... without my computer its like im missing half of my brain since i cant remember anything without it

i do find that having psych central to come to helps a little... helps to remind me that i am not alone and that things can get better as long as i keep fighting for it, striving for the life i want which is simple life... = stability and happiness

sorry to ramble... they tell me that i have ADHD as well so i guess i just cant get things out without running all over the forest if you know what i mean

ps:
i also have some difficulty with these grounding exercises... not sure why... but it seems to make things worse when i try to do those things :/
we just have to try to discover some things that work for us personally because not all things that help others will help everyone else too...

she did teach me about a cold water technique that might c an help a little.. although it doesnt really change things too much for me, it atleast doesnt make it worse like some of the other ones