I have had varied delusions over time, more than my providers know because some happened before my current therapist and when I didn't tell my pdoc everything. Which means I probably should tell my therapist about those too, but it's never seemed like a natural part of conversation and then they didn't happen so much after I started APs.

And I had a run of them about 18 months ago but meds and therapy calmed it down eventually.

But this one is really bothering me because I don't feel like there was a lost of touch with reality exactly. I believe I made something bad happen to someone else through my thoughts. I do know that's not possible but I still believe it.

I have my therapist tomorrow and I have to try to explain this to him. I dread it because I fear his reaction will either confirm that I did this bad thing or that he won't believe that I thought this. I know he will believe me but I don't believe it. Probably a little paranoid too.

This also means I probably need to call my pdoc but I don't know how to explain this to her. So maybe my therapist will. It's hard because we're trying to get my meds down to the absolutely lowest possible amount to help me not lack motivation and need 12 hours or more of sleep daily. This may indicate more is needed.

I'm scared of what will happen tomorrow.