On the other hand, considering that in my 36 years I haven't yet found any man who would fit my desires (every intelligent and emotionally romantic older man who makes me want to be close to him turns out to want sex, straight or homo) and that I live in a post-USSR country where there is very little information about sexual issues available to wider public and the level of intolerance to homosexuals (and I would be treated as such if I would want to go out) is very high, I'm thinking about my other options.

I might have greater chance to find an asexual romantic girl who would be intelligent and interesting enough to live together. Although girls do not induce any sexual reaction for me, I find that I can communicate with them well, I like how caring and loving they can be and I like being caring and loving towards them. And I like how they look, especially those who have simple taste and naturally pretty looking, but I'm not into supermodels or the ones who use lots of makeup and lipstick.

One of the two girls I mentioned earlier was with me since my childhood and I knew she had a crush on me, and I also felt similar about her. I wanted to be with her always and forever, we played husband and wife roleplaying games... and then I discovered that I have no sexual desire for her. I had to withdraw and it was emotionally hard. I didn't want to break her heart. You could say, I loved her so deeply that I could sacrifice my being with her for the idea that she might find someone who could give her sexual love, which she deserved. Now sometimes I still dream of her, I'm with her crying that I love her and I'm so sorry that I can't give her any bit of physical love...

Maybe my subconscious might turn off that "broken" homo desire if I find a girl who is able to make me feel more manly and protective, and to boost my self esteem, so maybe one day I'll discover that I've actually become like those men of my fantasies and I don't have the desire to hunt and consume them anymore. I don't even feel that I want any sex with those homo dream men; thinking of sticking my little friend in someone's mouth or "that other place" turns me off. I have watched gay porn and only one of maybe 50 videos made me aroused but this was only while they were hugging and showing some romantic love. When they started doing THAT, I felt disgusted, it seemed too violent and wrong. And I have never EVER felt any sexual attraction to any other kinds of men, except that kind which look like elderly professors - intelligent, authoritative and caring for their students.

From my side I know that I can be faithful, I don't break promises and I can go for sacrifices (as with the girl from my childhood) if I feel that it's for greater good. I have some problems in my life, but I have a job and I can take care about myself and my partner. If I find a partner who has gone through suffering similar to mine but who has preserved a bit of positive irony then maybe we might both help each other to get through this life. The only thing I'm afraid of is that it might turn the other way - we might both start getting on each other's nerves with our problems and thus drag us both deeper into depression. I don't want that. So, I'm not sure.

What do you, people, think? Do I have any slight chance for successful romantic relations with an asexual girl or is it just wishful thinking?