I understand the anger and the rage towards him. The thing is, you either have to get that under control, leave or avoid him as much as possible. Take it from me, and I think I know quite a bit about this, giving in to the rage only increases its hold on you. Do you want to tighten the grip until you can't breathe or do you want to find a way to save yourself from it?
You're not a coward, you're smart. You'll figure this out.