I don't know what to say because I can't fix it and I don't want to say something that makes it worse. But I just find all your posts extremely likable. I know it sounds weird. But they probably won't take this post down. You are just beating yourself up. You do it a lot. Your postings are so kind to others. Despite the bleeped out stuff (****), you are a sweet person. I wish you weren't hurting so much!