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ovid said:
I should have picked someone else when we hit it off right away from the get go....

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ovid, I don't agree. It is a wonderful thing when a person "clicks" with their therapist right from the beginning.

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i am screwing up the process but don't want to leave

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You are not screwing up the process. Sometimes the relationship with the therapist is so special and so close that it is easy to get confused. It is a relationship unlike any we have had in our lives before. Can you share your confusion with your T?

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i don't feel the psychotherapist when i am supposed to

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Could it be that your T may has no idea you don't view her as only a therapist anymore? I hope you can tell her.

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i often wonder if she has crossed boundaires (not sexually) with me too much to make me see her as a therapist anymore. i mean we only see eachother at the office but i know a lot (imo) anout her and she call me her favorite sometimes

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What boundaries has she crossed? For what it's worth, many therapists self disclose, and it can be very therapeutic. My therapist self discloses all the time--I asked him to early on. It is part of our therapy. Nothing inappropriate has happened because of this; it has strengthened our therapeutic relationship. On the other hand, I'm not so sure a T telling a client that they are the favorite is helpful. (My T has told me he loves our time together, but for all I know, he loves his time together with his other clients too. I find it enough to know how he feels about me.)

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there seems to be nothing off limits and she engages in similar things i like and we talk a lot about that.

while i like this, i also dislike this.

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You do indeed sound like you are testing her. What is it about her response that you don't like? Can you discuss that with her? My T often says I need to tell him what I want and need. Maybe you need your T to be less self disclosing. She can't know unless you tell her. If you keep asking her for information about her life, she will think you want to know. Be straight with her!

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i feel like she "switches" in and out of modes

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My T plays a dual (professional) role for me, and sometimes I get tired of the non-T role. I have told him before, "I need you to be my therapist today" and he was able to oblige with no problem. It is a way of telling him I am especially needy, I think, and please don't switch out of that role today. Can you bring to your T's attention that she seems to be switching in and out of modes? Maybe she doesn't know?

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but what if she doesn't have a master plan and i am on and aimless road?

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Would it help to have a session where you focus on goal-setting? Those can be really useful. (although I never do them myself, lol)

ovid, I think the most important thing is that you share your concerns with your T so she has a chance to work on this with you.