Thank you both! Luce, your words are kind and the hug is very welcomed SS.

I was in a bad place. A part of me just doesn't understand why I continue to throw myself under the bus. When am I going to learn? Why do I keep being so stupid to expect compassion and understanding when it hasn't happened in 29 years?

I don't know. There is a part of me that wants to believe that one day. ONE DAY the narcissist Mr Hyde will be kick the bucket and the kind and caring Dr Jeckle will be there.

Rainbows and butterflies, I know.